Finding Clarity When You’re Stuck // Finding Joy When You’re Sad.
You do the work. You manifest the big, best things. Everything is going just how you dreamed it (well, more or less)…but then you notice something weird. Weird become uncomfortable. Uncomfortable becomes sadness. Sadness becomes overwhelm.
And alas, you find yourself holding back tears in an otherwise delightful yoga class - planning your quiet escape back home where you can be emotionally distraught in private. Well, that was me at least.
Found love, had a route back to my desired city life, and was even working in an industry that I had always looked up to - but felt unworthy. It was all working out!
But then why did I start to question myself? Why was I waking up & falling asleep with what felt like a gazillion wavering thoughts & endless reflections that brought me nowhere sane.
If you ever lose your way…feel a bit confused, stuck, or sad - it’s alright. I start with “it’s alright” because for baseline happy AF people like some of us (moi!) - it can be incredibly frightening to land in a place where you don’t feel 11-out-of-10. But, although it sounds cliche - that’s where the magic happens. The growth, the epic realizations, the pivots that make things even better than they were before.
Next, once you’ve given yourself permission to feel a bit shit [insert ugly cries, awkward food cravings, and excessive bad hair days here] - you can decide that feeling this way officially sucks, and viola: you’re motivated to change.
Here’s where it’s make or break…
You can calm the noise, go inside, and ask YOURSELF the hard questions (& actually listen to the REAL answers…however scary or ironic they may be). OR you can continue to be semi-swayed back & forth in a funky soup of madness by your “friends” & family. I put ‘friends’ in quotes not because my intention is to convince you that they are otherwise...but to draw attention to that concept that oftentimes, it’s our not-so-close friends that give us the most overbearing “advice” (even with their hearts in the right place!).
This is exactly what was happening to me. And it wasn’t the first time. When I first made the decision to leave Toronto and head to Mexico...I got the typical family-fear + questioning “friends” who were “just looking out for me”. Rather than take guidance from people with lives I didn’t necessarily aim to emulate (sorry not sorry) - I centred myself, reaffirmed my goals & aspirations, and politefully nodded when their “advice” became excessive or aggressive (while tuning out whatever the heck they recited).
And alas, this can happen again. In fact, speaking from experience, it often happens when you’re about to “uplevel”, take a “quantum leap” or whatever phrase you resonate with as it relates to genuinely BETTERING your life.
Successful entrepreneurs often share the same advice: don’t listen to your B-list friends when you’re about to make A-list leaps of faith.
Now this isn’t a post to shit on any of our friends (or like… “friends”...you know the ones!) - this is simply to remind you (us) that only YOU have the answers for YOUR life. It may be shocking to hear, but you’re actually in the very best position to make choices for yourself. Regardless of your previous experiences - I deeply believe in this truth.
So here’s the deal - and what helped me.
First, sure, consult with your (actual) friends that (genuinely) have your back AND specifically those friends who you look up to. Think about the friends that are living a life that inspires you, doing things that you’d also love to do, or just generally vibrating on a level that is joyful, abundant, and at peace. Feel free to get their input.
BUT THEN: set aside time & space to consult YOURSELF. For many of us in today’s modern world, that means diligently…
Turning off your phone
Preparing a silent, peaceful, (& possibly dark, candlelit) space
Sitting with yourself - either in meditation or stretchy mindful movement...whatever works
Having a journal nearby, for when your truth starts to flow
The above “process” looks differently for everyone, but the outcome should FEEL more or less the same for everyone: clear, relieving, and ultimately, joyful.
One of my (more “enlightened”) friends shared powerful words with me just a few days ago, which I think are most relevant here:
“Sometimes, when we fall in love, we start to lose our own path a bit, and consequently our joy. Our joy comes from our alignment with our own path.”
I think the above quote speaks not only to freshly “in love” me, but also to anyone going through a bit of a “shift” - perhaps “falling in love” with a new job, circumstance, etc.
If we feel less than joyful, it’s a sign to realign with our path. When we are on our path, we feel joy. It’s as simple as that.